Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
