He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
