wanna go halves on a baby?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
