I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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