Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I smell stomach acid.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
