rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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