My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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