ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So much Jack, so little girl.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
