i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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