He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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