How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
