i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
