I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
