my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
