Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
