I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
