At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
