Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
