I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
