omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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