why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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