It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
