Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
