Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
