After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
