Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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