pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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