does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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