i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
