youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
