I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
