I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
