Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize