Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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