You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
