I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
"it" just moved
Quick, to the slutcave!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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