when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Randomize
