Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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