Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
