Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
