Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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