That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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