Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
