So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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