She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
