I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
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He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
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Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
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