3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Please, let me fuck your mom
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
