Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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