I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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