it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
tell me about the eggs
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
