The maid of honor just puked.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
