that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
