I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
