he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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