I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
