We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
