your thong is hanging out like whoa
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
