Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
