Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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