I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
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So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
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I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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