do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Enjoy your early 30βs! Youβre still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
