WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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