No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
