I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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