Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
