3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
