Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
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you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
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I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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