Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
