dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
