it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
