My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
