i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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