The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
