The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
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she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
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she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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