I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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